Sunday, February 5, 2012
You know, I never thought I'd be disappointed to see a negative pregnancy test at 19 years old. Most people my age are thanking their lucky stars when a test only comes up with one line. And while we aren't trying, and any pregnancy right now would be an "oops!" there's still a nagging feeling that brings me down. I think since my miscarriage, I've really felt scared that i'll never get pregnant again. I never got to experience the positive pregnancy test, telling Brent, telling family, making a cute little album on Facebook.. I didn't know I was pregnant until I wasn't anymore.. That's something I'm still trying to accept. However, deep inside I'm worried that I won't ever get to experience those things.. I'm worried that because of my weight and health, i'll never get pregnant.. So that's why I want to change. I'm not looking to get pregnant now, or later this year, or even next year! But I AM taking the steps NOW to become a healthier me.. so that someday I'll get to be a mother. I watched the first episode of My 600-lb Life the other day on TLC, and it hit me HARD.. This couple had been actively trying to become pregnant for 12 years! I can't imagine that heartache. 12 years of negative pregnancy tests.. And when they finally got a positive test, there was no heart beat to be found.. The woman was still not healthy enough to carry a pregnancy to term. I don't want to find myself in that position. I don't know why I had a miscarriage.. But I wouldn't be surprised if my weight was the biggest factor. I AM NOT HEALTHY! And until recently, I never cared.. But something sparked in me, and all of a sudden I'm making the correct changes in my lifestyle to become healthier! It feels great eating the right foods, drinking water, not drinking coke, and working out! And it feels even better stepping on the scale and seeing the pounds drop.
This is going to be a long, tiring journey.. But it's one I'm ready for because I have a lot at stake.. I would love some encouragement from friends and family these next few months as I'm sure it's going to get harder and harder. Brent is being absolutely WONDERFUL and so supportive. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He stands behind me 100% and he won't let me fail. I love that man. If anyone is interested in changing your life, let's do it together!
I know this post is kind of choppy, random, and whatever. But I hope I got my point across. :)