Saturday, April 25, 2015

Dating My Husband | Making It Work

Hello friends! I have wanted to write this post for a while now, but I just haven't had a chance to sit down and gather my thoughts enough to type it all up. Today I am taking it easy because of a pulled muscle in my back and I thought I'd take advantage of my forced rest day by finally getting this post out there!

If you know me and my husband at all, you probably know how much we love to go on dates! I'm actually asked quite a bit how we manage to go on dates all the time. Since getting married, we've felt strongly about the importance of continuing to date each other. Ironically, we have done more dating since getting married than we did while we were "dating." We are 5 1/2 years into marriage (still newlyweds practically) and I'll admit, we sometimes get into ruts! Looking back at this last year, the theme of our dates was Cinema Cafe. We discovered the awesomeness that is dinner and a movie AT THE SAME TIME! We loved (and still do love) going to our local Cinema Cafe, ordering a Pina Colada, "Kevin Bacon Burger," and watching whatever latest movie was playing. It was always fun. We were still going on dates. But if I'm being honest, our dates had lost some of their sparkle. It seemed more routine than romantic.

My husband and I have learned in the last year or so about The 5 Love Languages. I am bilingual in my love language - mine are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Both are extremely important to me, and quickly fill my "love tank." So as you can imagine, dates that became routine, and dates that we didn't talk to each other, were NOT filling my love tank at all. This year I wanted that to change! We have made an effort to find other date ideas and spend more time talking and continuing to learn more about each other.

I wanted to write this post to share one of our recent dates, but I also wanted to do a little bit of excuse busting! I have many friends who admit they haven't gone on a date in months or even YEARS! That just completely blows my mind. I understand busy schedules, I know kids take up a lot of time. I get all that! But dating my husband is such an important part of our marriage. I was reading 1 Peter 3: 5-6 in the Contemporary English Version and I was struck by the way it was worded. "Long ago those women who worshiped God and put their hope in him made themselves beautiful by putting their husbands first. For example, Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her true children, if you do right and don’t let anything frighten you." This of course is controversial. Many women today do not feel strongly that their husband should come before their children, work, and their ever-growing to do list. They actually feel the opposite! Husbands are regularly placed on the back burner. They get the leftovers. But the Bible tells us - God comes first, and your husband comes second. That doesn't mean God comes first and your husband gets lumped in somewhere with everything else you have to do. It means he gets second place ABOVE everything else you have to do. And think about it - 18 years from now when your kids are grown up and out of the house, will you even know your husband any more? If you spent 18 years with someone, but without learning about them, talking to them, dating them... will this be someone you want to spend your remaining years with? That is why my husband comes first (right behind God.) And you may say "Well that's easy for you to say - you don't have kids!" Yep, that is totally true. But will my convictions change? No. Why? Because this is what the Bible says. So I'll obey it. Is it always easy? Absolutely not. Between my husband's work schedule, my volunteer work and Scentsy business, church, leading a Bible Talk, and my husband being in school.. Sometimes it can feel like there just isn't enough time! There are 48 hours in a weekend. Recently all 48 have been booked with baby showers and church events and other obligations! Does that mean it's okay to put my husband on the back burner and just forget about date night? No way! We make it work.

So let my tell you about our date this last week. First of all, it was this past Monday night. Yes, date night on a Monday! Like I said, we make it work. Recently my husband and I have begun Dave Ramsey's baby steps to getting out of debt, so we are on a very tight budget! But we have a date night envelope, and we've been able to come up with some pretty frugal dates. Monday my husband invited me on a date, and he had the whole thing planned out for us! Our first stop was actually our local library! Our reason for going? To play board games! I don't know if this is a common thing, a local thing, or if this library is just super cool since it's remodel - but our library has an entire Gaming Floor! So we went and played a few games together. 

I promise he's happy, he's just concentrating.
First up was Battle Ship. Brent beat me twice! I really thought I was clever in placing my ships strategically, but he kept finding my ships so easily! Maybe he's just so in tune with the way I think. So to redeem myself, we placed 2 rounds of Mancala! Thanks to my uncle, and many hours of practice while growing up, I am a BEAST at Mancala. I smoked Brent twice! It was time for a tie-breaker and an INTENSE game of Phase 10. It was pretty back and forth, but in the end I was victorious! We had so much fun playing silly games, laughing, and talking. I know you're supposed to be quiet in a library, but we had so much fun laughing together that we got more than one sideways glance. 

After board games at the library, it was time for our next stop! Now let me tell you, I hate surprises. I try so hard to figure them out. But this next part was fun because I was not expecting to go here at all! We had talked about it several times, but there was always a reason not to go. So when we pulled up, I was so thrilled - We went to Doumar's! 

Not my picture - It was actually taken from
A local Barbecue joint known for it's ice cream and waffle cones. It has been featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and we have wanted to check it out since we moved to Virginia. And with it being only 10 minutes from our house, I have no clue why we didn't check it out sooner! Brent ordered a waffle cone with a scoop of vanilla and scoop of butter pecan. I ordered a banana split. Both were phenomenal! I love me some ice cream!
Of course we had to take an ice cream selfie. And of course my husband had to make a ridiculous face.
There wasn't anything outwardly spectacular about this part of the date. It may just look like ice cream. But for someone like me who enjoys quality time, this was perfection. Just hanging out in the car, enjoying the drive-in ambiance, listening to music, talking, and enjoying amazing ice cream. This is definitely one of those dates I will always remember because it was so special to me.

So what excuses do you give for not going on dates? There are 3 main excuses I hear from people when they admit they rarely go on dates.

Time- Let's face it. We're busy people. I gave you an idea of how busy our lives are at the moment. Sometimes I feel like we don't have a second to breathe. But when we found an evening that we could make work, we took advantage! Instead of a night of Netflix or video games, we made it a point to spend quality time together. And sometimes I have to say no to things because we're going on a date. When we have a date planned, it's non-negotiable. Our date this week was about 3 hours long from start to finish. If you can't find 3 hours at any point during your week, make it an hour. Go to a cool coffee shop just the two of you. Spend one whole hour just talking. Ask each other silly questions. Try to avoid talking about work or kids. Just talk about the two of you! It's amazing how just one hour of focused quality time can make you feel closer to your spouse.

Money- Money is tight these days. We have a strict budget, and stick to it. We have had to stop thinking dates mean a nice dinner and a movie. Those dates are GREAT, but pricey! There are so many cheap date ideas out there. Go to a park and have a picnic, check out a local karaoke bar, spend the evening in a small coffee shop. Go grab an ice cream from Burger King or somewhere similar ($1 each) and walk the beach. Even have dates at home! If Netflix is your thing, cool. But make it special! Silence your cell phones and put them away, make popcorn, grab some candy (like the movie theater boxes you can get from Dollar Tree), turn the lights down low, and snuggle up on the couch together. Make a romantic meal together. Just make whatever you're doing SPECIAL. And when you go out, find ways to make it budget friendly. Our latest date for example -

Library - $2 for parking
Ice Cream - $10.13

Total for an awesome, special date - $12.13! That is well within our budget. Just make the dates work for you and your budget.

Babysitting- This is probably my favorite excuse. Why? Because the people I hear this from, have never asked us to babysit for them. 99% of the time, if you ask me to babysit because you want to go on a date with your spouse, I will find a way to make it work! And I know a lot of people feel the same - they are MORE THAN HAPPY to babysit. If you have exhausted all of your options, and no teenager or childless friends are willing to babysit, start a rotation with your friends who also need babysitting! 1 weekend they'll watch your kids, the next you'll watch theirs. And if that doesn't work and there just really is no way to get babysitting, put the kids to bed early, and stay up a little later. Play board games together, sit around a fire pit in your backyard, feed the kids Mac and Cheese for dinner, but after they're in bed make a super fancy gourmet meal and enjoy a bottle of wine (the good stuff!) Having kids is not an excuse to neglect dating your husband.

There is ALWAYS a way to date your spouse. Always. Give me an excuse, and I'll help you bust it. This is obviously something I feel strongly about, and I hope that you will grow in your conviction to date your spouse. And if you can't remember the last time you went on a date, plan one right now! Call me up for babysitting. I'm serious.

So let me ask you, do you go on dates regularly? What is your favorite date you've ever been on?

No comments:

Post a Comment